if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
