Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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