I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
