I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
