So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
