Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
