Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
