The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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