so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
