Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
