obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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