you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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