You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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