You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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