At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
