Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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