her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
