it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
