Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
