dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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