Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
