my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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