dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Randomize
