Just cropdusted the office
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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