so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
