Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
