Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
