My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So squirting runs in the family.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
