you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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