If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
