It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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