You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
