You're my little dorito
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
