i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
