I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
