I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
