I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
