There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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