I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
