I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she told me i tasted like america
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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