why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
