I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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