The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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