So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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