So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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