just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
