I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
