So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
