i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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