i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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